Radio Silence
by AVeryMerryUnbirthdayToMe
Summary: It's going to take a lot more than a hug, a cup of tea and an eloquent speech to save the mind of Nikki Alexander. (Jack/Nikki)
1. Chapter 1

Nikki felt bile rise up in her throat and her legs turned weak as she practically stumbled through the front door to her flat. She was welcome by the familiar scent of Vanilla and homeliness. Not that she was meant to feel any safer there, she supposed; her flat had already been violated. Still, the new padlocks and keys (and door) gave her more comfort than if she was still outside.

With a kick of her foot, Nikki flung her shoe into the corner of the room, closely followed by the other one, which landed with a satisfying thud. She dropped her coat onto the ground, along with her scarf and jumper. Normally she was more tidy than this, but her discarded items could wait until later to be put into their correct place. Nikki's main priority was to have a nice, long, piping hot shower.

And maybe take a look at what she suspected were bruises forming on her neck. Or not, whatever.

She emerged from the shower an hour later, snug in her pyjamas and a towel wrapped around her wet hair. Just as she had thought, there were coin sized bruises around her neck (amongst other bruises she had gained from her and Jack's recent escape through the forrest). That, paired with the gash on her leg, made for a very uncomfortable Nikki Alexander.

She performed the arm-aching task of drying her hair to the best of her current capabilities , before making her way sluggishly to her bedroom.

The sensation of lying (or rather falling into) her bed was indescribable, only further amplifying just how exhausted recent events had made her. Who knew that her job was going to be this life threatening? Nikki laughed bitterly, before rolling onto her side. It wasn't a laughing matter, the morbid part of her brain added, you could tell Leo that. No matter how much Nikki loved her job, sometimes she wondered if she had...

Eyelids were too heavy, thoughts were too jumbled. Mercifully, it wasn't long before unconsciousness claimed her.

And like all good things in Nikki's life so far, it wasn't destined to last.

The last thing she remembered before waking up with a jolt was hands around her neck. They had gripped her throat with such intensity and power. Her own hands instantly flew up to the same place, half expecting the hands to still be there even though she was now awake.

There was nothing there.

This realisation took several moments to sink in, slowing down her breathing but doing nothing to stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks. The nightmare had felt so very real.

Nikki had a horrible sinking feeling that she was not going to get back to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

It was going to be a bad day. Little did Nikki know how bad the day was actually going to get.

Nikki was right; she didn't get back to sleep in the end. It had been a long night/morning, most of it spent curled up on her sofa watching crappy soaps and definitely not thinking about nightmares/murderers/near-death-experiences (all of which she had encountered too often for her liking recently).

At a semi- reasonable time, Nikki had thrown some clothes on and sat herself in front of a portable mirror armed with several brushes and a bottle of foundation. Maybe had she been a bit more wild in her teenage years, she may have had more experience in covering up bruises on her neck. However, you don't normally get hickeys when you are attending a private, upper-class, all-girls boarding school. There was no chance of these bruises being mistaken for hickeys, the scientific side of her said, the bruises were coin sized which indicated fingertips, and there were ten of them spanning her neck. The coin sized bruises were more furious looking than they were yesterday, and Nikki condemned them with a glare. Surely it was going to bring up conversation, and that conversation was one that she was angling to avoid completely.

She quickly found out that the foundation was useless, not offering nearly enough coverage for the bruises. Their dark colour was a shocking contrast to her fair skin, and Nikki frowned at it as though she could magically make them disappear (or at least seem less obvious).

Unsurprisingly enough, she couldn't just wish the injury away. Instead, considering the amount of time she had before she even needed to consider leaving for work, Nikki scoured her wardrobe for a jumper or something to hide her neck. She finally settled on a dark green sweater, the neck just big enough to hide the bruises. After testing it out in front of the mirror, she had found if she moved her shoulders too much, the jumper would move around and reveal several bruises. It didn't matter; Nikki just had to be extra careful.

She reminded herself of this as she left her flat, locking and double checking it before heading out into the heart of London. And just like that, her body decided to remind her of how utterly exhausted and downright shit she felt.

Somewhere deep inside, Nikki knew that it was going to be a long day. The kind of day where you would just rather curl up in bed and cry. The kind of day where you can't even imagine seeing someone else, let alone interacting with them. A bad kind of day.


	3. Chapter 3

Dr Nikki Alexander had fallen asleep at her desk?

Dr Nikki Alexander had fallen asleep at her desk.

Jack couldn't help but stare in wonder (and slight concern) as the normal well-composed Pathologist was perfectly still except for the gentle rise and fall of her body as she breathed.

Nikki looked peaceful when she slept, probably the most peaceful he had seen her all week. The lines on her face that constantly indicated fear of anger were smoothed over now, and Jack was grateful for it. God knows it had been a tough week for everyone, especially Nikki.

While she looked peaceful, the position in which she was sleeping most definitely wasn't. Nikki's arms were folded on top of her desk, and this supported her head as she slept. It didn't look particularly comfortable, but she was completely asleep so it probably didn't matter (although she would wake up with a crick in her neck or something). The curls in her blonde hair had dropped slightly, and it was tucked behind her ears, so Jack had a clear view of her face.

It took Jack a moment to realise that he was staring at Nikki rather than finishing his report. He took his eyes off of her and grimaced at the laptop screen sitting on his own desk. Stupid report.

About twenty minutes passed in complete silence before Jack heard a little murmur. He thought he was imagining things, but then he heard it again. It was louder this time, and he was fairly certain that it was coming from Nikki's direction.

Looking over at her, he could see that the peacefulness had disappeared. She was slightly animated in her sleep, her fists uncharacteristically clenched. Her face was screwed up slightly with what he could presume to be fear and then she made that noise again. By the looks of it, she was having a nightmare.

Something tugged at Jacks heart.

He decidedly abandoned his report, quietly making his way over to Nikki's desk. Gently, he placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Niks... Nikki... Nikki," he repeated, gently shaking her until she began to stir, "c'mon Nikki, you're having a nightmare."

She was awake- sort of. Her head lifted off the table, glazed eyes squinting around the room and then at Jack.

"Huh?"

"You had a nightmare."

Right. She remembered now, unfortunately, but it was only a haze of shouting and hands around her neck. Quite appropriate given her terrible day.

Then she remembered another detail.

"J-Jack!"

It was a sob, a heart wrenching sob. Jack froze for a moment with surprise, before he felt her collide with him in a shamble of an embrace. Her body was warm and shaking, and without a second thought Jack wrapped his arms around her.

"Shhh, you're alright, you're alright."

But she wasn't. That was the problem. Having a nightmare at home was fine, but at work? Nikki's inner voice told her that she seriously needed to pull herself together if she wanted to avoid any questions.

She could still feel the phantom of hands around her neck. Even worse, she could still see phantom hands around Jack's neck.

Nikki closed her eyes tightly, hiding her face in Jack's chest. It was stupid, illogical and stupid stupid stupid stupid-

"Let's get you home, eh?"

She could feel Jack's voice vibrate in his chest, and something about it was comforting. Nikki nodded her head, almost positive that her voice would not work.

Jack leaned over her shoulder (not a difficult task given his height advantage) and picked up the handbag on her desk. With the other hand, he worked around Nikki and picked up her coat and checkered scarf before handing it to her.

"C'mon, I'll drive you back," he offered a small smile as he watched her slowly put on her coat, "I'll tell Thomas you were feeling sick."

Jack knew Nikki well enough to know that she would consider this a moment of weakness. The last thing she wanted was for Thomas to think that she was incapable of being at work. She gave Jack a grateful smile, the best she could muster.

"T-hanks, Jack."


	4. Chapter 4

"Thomas?"

The older man was so engulfed in his work that he didn't notice Jack slip into his office until he spoke.

"Yes?" He replied, barely dragging his eyes away from the paperwork on his desk. This wasn't going to do itself, and Thomas would rather avoid his own burial under a mountain of paper. He had a rigid pace that he needed to maintain when filling out paperwork.

"Nikki's not very well. I think she caught the 'bug' that's going around. Did you notice anything 'off' about her yesterday?" Jack asked casually. He hoped that the answer would give him a clue as to what was happening in his best friend's head at the moment.

At that question, Thomas lifted his head, "She did sound a bit strange on the phone." He admitted.

"Right. Well, I'm just gonna quickly take her home."

Jack made a mental note of that as he turned to leave. The idea that something had happened last night, something bad enough to give her a nightmare, made his body go cold.

"Tell her to take off as much time as she needs; we have a Pathology professor who will be offering his services to us."

Oh, Nikki wasn't going to like this. Jack was 80% sure that she would be completely offended by the idea. Anything that suggested she was not competent at her job was basically a stab in the back. And that was what Nikki would surely interpret this stuffy, old, boring 'Pathology professor' as: a stab in the back.

"We already have enough Pathologists." Jack countered, metaphorically dancing around the real point he wanted to make: are you replacing Nikki?

"This one offers a different perspective; he's from New York."

Jack nodded as though he understood- he didn't- and continued out of the office door just as silently as he had entered. Upon turning the corner and spotting his blonde colleague, Jack made an internal decision.

Nikki didn't need to know.


	5. Chapter 5

They walked up the steps to her flat, stopping outside the door as Nikki fumbled in her handbag for the keys. This scenario was pretty similar to the night before; Nikki was pretty much dead on her feet and the whole world had gone to shit. But there was one difference this time.

Jack.

"What was the nightmare about?"

As if on cue, the question made Nikki freeze for a second, flat keys in her hand. She recovered, unlocking the door and successfully avoid his gaze.

"It's nothing." She brushed him off, voice stronger than it was half an hour ago.

"It wasn't nothing." Jack knew that. He knew, from personal experience, that it was the personal, horrific, scarring nightmares that reduced a person to tears, not the generic ones.

"Look, I'm fine." Her tone was sharp and defensive as she pushed the door open slightly, "you can go now."

There was silence as the words fell out of her mouth, leaving a cheap, acidic taste on her tongue. Regret filled her almost instantly, and she didn't mean to make the words as harsh as they had appeared to be. Nikki was tired, she was upset and she wasn't sure how to make Jack leave.

She slipped into her apartment, not wanting to look back at Jack. She was certain that his face had dropped slightly, washed over with confusion and hurt.

"Nikki-"

"Please. I'm fine." She turned around at the door. She was on the inside of the flat and he was on the outside. There was a moment of silence, a moment of understanding that Nikki did not want him there.

Jack wasn't going to argue. Sometimes when you're upset, you need to be alone, he understood that. No matter how much he wanted to stay, to understand, he knew Nikki wasn't going to let him. She could be too goddamn stubborn when she wanted to be, and he sighed in defeat.

"But if you're ever 'not fine' please tell me," his eyes were almost pleading with her.

Nikki felt like someone had punched her in the stomach, but she still maintained the fake small smile on her lips. She wanted to tell Jack, of course she did, but it was the consequences that she was afraid of. Jack would be angry. He would be beyond angry. Clarissa would be disappointed and Thomas wouldn't trust her ever again. They would all think she was weak and stupid and an idiot and-

"Thanks Jack." She forced the words out, trying to ignore the way he was looking at her, the way he was almost unintentionally giving her a second chance to come clean. He looked like he wanted to stay, but she moved to close her apartment door to shut him out.

"Please."

She needed to shut him out.


	6. Chapter 6

**Authors note: Thanks to everyone that has read/reviewed this story so far! It means a lot to me :) enjoy!**

Jack had let the door of Nikki's flat slam in his face over five hours ago, but he still could not get it out of his mind. There was something up with Nikki, he was certain of that, but as soon as anyone tried to get close to that woman, she would push them away.

Bloody commitment issues.

He was hurt that Nikki apparently didn't trust him. They were meant to be good friends; they were always there for one another. Jack knew if he turned up at her flat on the anniversary of Katie's death, she would let him in. No questions asked. And the year after Leo died, Nikki was at Jack's flat practically everyday (if only to complain about how she didn't like being in charge of the Lyell centre, but they both knew it was secretly for emotional support).

The point was: they were each others support. So why did she insist on shutting him out?

"Jack?"

"Huh?"

The voice of Clarissa snapped him out of his internal debate.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong or not?"

Trust Clarissa to get straight to the point. It was her no nonsense attitude that Jack found so refreshing and endearing sometimes. It also helped that she could read him like a book. A picture book. With large, easy words.

"I think somethings up with Nikki."

She motioned her hand as if to say 'carry on' and Jack sighed.

"She's been having bad nightmares."

"Have you tried talking to her about it?" Clarissa didn't mean to state the obvious, but she knew Jack. Jack would rather punch a problem until it went away than actually use words and talk about it.

"She told me to leave it."

Normally that wouldn't have stopped him before, but it was the way in which she said- rather, pleaded with him to leave it alone. That concerned him greatly. It also concerned Clarissa, who was silent for a few moments as she processed the information.

Finally, "there's nothing you can do if you don't know what the problem is."

"I know! That's the issue." Frustration seeped into his voice as he clicked a pen from his desk with more force than necessary, before asking, "Why does she have to be so bloody stubborn?"

"Just like you." Clarissa commented before silence settled upon them once more. She looked over to judge Jack's face. It was contorted into a scowl, as he chewed on the end of a pen. Of course he would be annoyed, helpless even, but there was nothing he could do.

After another moment, she carried on, "Look. All you can do is be there for her. She may not accept your support right now, but she needs it."

"When did you get so wise?" There was a teasing tone in his voice, but Jack was nodding as he had taken her advice seriously.

"It's one of my many attributes," Clarissa bantered back, then changed her tone slightly, "So when is Nikki coming back?"

"Tomorrow, if her stubbornness is anything to go by. It's probably a good thing too; I don't fancy having that Professor bloke take over her job because she's not there".

There was definitely not a tone of resentment in his voice (but Clarissa would beg to differ).


	7. Chapter 7

**Authors note: sorry if this chapter is a little short! It's a sort of filler chapter I needed to use in order to get to the next chapter, but I hope you enjoy it anyway!**

Today was going to be a good day.

Okay, so Nikki knew that would most likely be considered a lie. Every fibre of her being protested as she prepared for the day ahead, putting her hair in its usual curls and apply minimal makeup. This was occurring later than usual; she'd already phoned ahead to tell Thomas that she would be in at midday rather than early morning. She hoped that would satiate Jack and prevent further questioning.

But she wasn't going to miss an ENTIRE day. No way. She was a professional, respected Doctor, and Nikki didn't care if she was teetering dangerously on the brink of... Whatever this was, she was definitely not going to let it control her life.

Even if lying in bed all day did seem the most appealing thing in the world.

No, she had her moment of weakness yesterday. Today would be different. Nikki tried to remember that as she rubbed her bruised neck while passing the mirror.

Today was going to be a good day.


	8. Chapter 8

**Authors note: #ProbablyNotThatMuchOfAPlotTwistConsideringIHaveAlreadyListedHimAsACharacterInThisStory**

The desk was filled with possessions, but the main difference was that there was evidence that she actually worked there (despite the esteemed Nikki Alexander being noticeably absent at present). That's what had changed, that and the photo's were different. The same frames, but different people in them.

One was a photo of Nikki, Leo, and several other people. It seemed to have been taken at a Christmas party; the group had donned Christmas-cracker hats and wore large smiles.

Another photo was of Nikki and a man. The man was tall, blue eyes and dark hair. He had picked Nikki up seemingly moments before the photo was taken, for she was wearing an expression of surprise mixed with laughter as one arm was loose around his shoulder.

If there was ever need for a photographic description of the term 'sublimely happy', then that photo of Nikki and the man would surely fit.

Several nonsensical post-it notes littered the work place, and a few pens were scattered about. In the corner of the desk, a mug stood hidden amongst the photo frames and paperwork, containing one solitary toothbrush.

Huh, some things don't change after all. It was a small comfort, interrupted by a voice coming from the doorway.

"Ah, you must be that professor bloke." It was the man from the photograph, an Irish accent colouring his words, "Thomas' office is the next door over."

His voice was firm, as though it was an order rather than a helpful comment. Odd.

"And you are?"

"Jack Hodgson, forensics," he held out his hand (in what could be viewed as faux politeness), "nice to meet you, Professor...?"

"Cunningham. Harry Cunningham."


	9. Chapter 9

**Authors note: Nikki's going to be alright... Not. Sorry guys!**

Clarissa peered conspiratorially over her computer screen and into Thomas' office (thank God for glass walls!). She spied her boss and the elusive, mysterious Harry Cunningham on the ugly green sofa. Nikki had mentioned him several times, and she had seen photographs, but seeing him in the flesh was something quite different. It was comparable to meeting the Loch Ness monster.

"So that's him?" She muttered to her colleague beside her.

"Yep."

"And Nikki has no idea?"

"Yep."

"Don't you think she will freak out?"

"Absolutely."

There was a horribly, sinking feeling in the pit of Jack's stomach and he did not like it. It was a mass of guilt and worry, twisting his insides until he felt a little bit sick. Of course he had heard all about his predecessor, the great (if not, according to Nikki, slightly arrogant) Pathologist Harry Cunningham. This was the same Harry Cunningham that Nikki may have loved.

And, as if in a bid the satisfy his own slightly jealous side, it was also the same Harry Cunningham that deserted her and failed to return for Leo's funeral.

You don't leave the ones you love, Jack had learnt that one the hard way.

Jack clenched and unclenched his hand slowly. Just thinking about the effect that this situation was going to have on his friend was already making him feel like he needed to hit something. Or someone.

"She's going to be devastated." Clarissa added, not purposely trying to make Jack feel worse but somehow managing to succeed in doing so.

Of course she was going to be devastated. Nikki was already fragile as it was; he still hasn't gotten to the bottom of that whole nightmare issue she was having. Jack's eyes flickered to the clock on the wall. She was going to be devastated in exactly one hour and fifteen minutes, thanks to her decision to come in late today.

As if to prove him wrong, this thought was immediately followed by the tell-tale sound of the door opening followed by a clicking of heels. Jack's head flicked up, and he moved as soon as he saw her blonde curls emerge in the hallway. Nikki wasn't meant to be there for at least another hour!

Instead of having time to figure out a solution, Jack found that he had approximately no bloody time at all. He took a large breath as he approached Nikki (who was alarmingly heading straight to Thomas' office, but don't panic, don't panic). All he needed to do was talk to her before she found their surprise guest, make sure that she was okay and ready and maybe find out what that goddamn nightmare was about.

"Jack!" Clarissa called after him, but it was too late do anything but follow, the sound of her motorised wheelchair struggling to catch up to the duo.

"Nikki, I think you should-" Jack had reached Nikki's side in a matter of moments, hand placed on her shoulder and face twisted with something akin to worry.

"I'm fine, Jack ," Nikki brushed him off instantly with determination. She needed to prioritise, and at the top of her 'making today a good day' list was letting Thomas know that she was present and ready for work. Like a professional, not someone that was drowning.

"But you should really-" Clarissa tried, but words failed her as Nikki opened the door. It was too late now, she supposed, and waited with baited breath for the fallout.

This was not going to be a good day, after all.


	10. Chapter 10

**Authors note: Don't get me wrong,I adore Harry, and trust me there will be explanations for his behaviour. But this chapter focuses primarily on Nikki's lack of understanding and feelings of betrayal. I hope you enjoy! :)**

Nikki had never been punched particularly hard in the stomach before, but she was certain that this was what it felt like. A punch in the stomach and -even worse- a stab in the back. Had she not been so fixated with the ghost on the ugly green couch, she would have given Jack a filthy look. And Clarissa; no doubt she knew about this too.

But she found she couldn't drag her eyes away from... Him.

A lump had formed in her throat, and she was acutely aware of Thomas' voice in the background, somewhere between scolding her for interrupting and 'introducing' her to Professor Cunningham. Something moved in her peripheral vision, a warm hand on her arm (belonging to Clarissa), but that was unimportant. Unimportant. Unimportant. Unimportant.

Pull it together.

Throat. Neck. Hands. Ghosts.

Pull it together.

Silence. Thomas had asked her a question. Waiting for a response. Lump in throat. Okay. Blink twice, deep breath, professional. Today was going to be a good day.

"We've... Uh, met before."

His voice. Here. The absence of telephone crackle and background noise made it seem unreal. He gave a smile, genuine, nervous and oh so familiar.

He didn't have the right to do that to her.

"Nikki?"

Don't do that, don't stay quiet. She's never quiet, not before, not after, and certainly not now. Stop, speak, Nikki willed the lump to disappear because fuck it. That's why.

Fuck it, fuck them and fuck him.

"I didn't realise we needed help." Nikki's tone was lethal, cold and deadly.

Or, it would have been if not for the wobble in between her sentence, a clear indicator that oh god she was going to cry. She folded her arms protectively instead, shrugging off Clarissa's hand and blinking furiously. Maybe it was the tears in her eyes, but their was a glint in Nikki's eyes, as though she was daring her boss to say what he was clearly insinuating.

"I thought we could use an extra pair of hands around here."

Ah. There it was. Was she not capable? Is that what he thought? Nikki set her jaw firmly.

"We're doing the best we can, Thomas."

I'm doing the best I can, Nikki's mind substituted.

"You might be, but-"

"We don't need any help." She snapped, no longer in danger of crying, but rather angry instead. Angry at Thomas. Angry at Clarissa. Angry at Jack. Angry at him.

Silence. Maybe, in another situation, she might have regretted her tone and those words as soon as they left her mouth. However, this was different.

"I didn't realise this was up for debate, Doctor Alexander." Icy. Cold. This was her boss talking now, the man that held her career in his hands.

At the mention of her title, the other occupants of the room looked up. It had the same effect as one of your parents shouting your full name. When it happens, you only know one thing: you're in trouble.

Nikki knew she was in trouble, and that no amount of protesting was going to change this goddamn awful situation. She fought to keep her head high, no matter how hard she wanted to cry, scream, shout. She was not going to give anyone the satisfaction; Doctor Alexander was not weak.

"Fine."

His clean, crisp, very real voice cut in next, "Nikki, wait-"

She was already turning to leave when she caught sight of him getting up from the disgusting green sofa. Don't stop. Don't do that. Don't wait. Wait. Wait. He had some nerve!

She had spent three years waiting for a fucking phone call.

I'm sorry Leo died.

I'm sorry I wasn't there.

I'm sorry I didn't come home for the funeral.

I'm sorry you were arrested.

I'm sorry you were almost murdered.

I'm sorry about the bruises on your neck.

I'm sorry.

Well, she wasn't waiting any longer to hear those words. She wasn't waiting to hear his voice again. Nikki didn't pause, continuing towards the exit.

"Nikki!"

It was met by the sound of a shutting door.


End file.
